There is a way for both parents to ‘have it all’ in terms of paid leave – but it’s a challenge, writes Leila Froud , while Alison Smith says mothers should be better reimbursed. Plus, Jol Miskin on the ‘dad strike’

I’m so pleased that paternity leave is getting some air time and there is a campaign to increase it ( The Guardian view on paternity leave: campaigners are right to demand more, 5 May ). Probably in part because I follow the Pregnant Then Screwed campaigns, my husband and I have discussed this in depth. He is now due to be taking a full six months of shared parental leave from his workplace this year.

With our first baby, he was at home but working self‑employed, so had no benefits. I suffered with postnatal depression, and struggled with breastfeeding and the anxiety of trying to do it all right.

But nothing has made me laugh more than the books he’s written

It is a lifelong discipline of mine to avoid this column defaulting to Kids Say the Darnedest Things, but I fear I must make an exception this week. My son is making inroads into comedy, now that he goes to bed clutching a book of jokes by Jamie Smart. These are the real, old-fashioned groaners of mythical archetype. (Sample: what do you call a bear with no ear? B!)

His joy at the wordplay is matched only by his seeming addiction to their grammar, causing him to take pleasure in jokes he can’t possibly understand. He does not, for example, know what a byte is, but seems delighted it’s something a crocodile has in common with a computer. Meaning, it seems, is less important than rhythm as he giggles himself to sleep each night.

Many of us are convinced our insecurities are screaming out because we compare what we feel like on the inside to what other people look like on the outside

The question I grew up in a household that was supportive and well-meaning, but lacking in any affection or warmth. I know my parents love me in their own way and that they are funny and kind under the coldness.

I can demonstrate love and affection towards my own daughter, but I know I have inherited their traits in other ways. I have only a handful of people who I’m close to. I know my sense of humour and outlook can seem cold and sarcastic. I find small talk hard.

Night Club, which has helped more than 10,000 workers recover their physical and psychological wellbeing, now has four demands for Labour

Peers and MPs will shortly receive a survey that asks: “How do you sleep at night?” It’s not a cheeky attempt to breach ­privacy – its aim is to encourage parliamentarians to clock their time asleep to raise awareness of the dangers experienced by the growing army of night workers: the ­“forgotten shift”.

In a 24-hour society, night work has expanded hugely, accelerated by the cost of living crisis and childcare fees. The night shift pays a premium – but it can also punish people in ways not experienced on day shifts . Night workers are 37% more likely than day workers to have a heart attack , 44% more likely to develop type 2 diabetes and 32% more likely to have a miscarriage, while obesity and memory loss are also factors.

Some cases of estrangement stem from a traumatic childhood. But in others it can come as a shock to parents who believe they did their best. People on both sides of family rifts share their stories

It’s a year and a half since Jody last spoke to her mother, and the conversation ended badly. Though their relationship was always fractious, with long spells of not speaking, Jody had been feeling anxious about some big changes in her life and was craving comfort. Listening to some old voicemails from her mother made her nostalgic enough to pick up the phone. But the call quickly degenerated.

“My mom has a proclivity for expressing her emotions in really extreme, volatile ways. She lashes out and insults people,” says Jody, who is 29 and in the process of moving overseas. Her mother has suffered long-term mental health problems, she says, and sees herself as a victim conspired against by others: Jody learned young that if she didn’t beg for forgiveness when her mother started hurling accusations, she would be frozen out. But not this time. “When it finally clicked that my mom weaponised her own emotions to manipulate mine, I stopped feeling a reflex to defend myself.” She hung up, blocked her mother’s number, and decided they would never speak again.

After spending years in and out of hospital with my daughter, I know the patients’ food isn’t usually very good. But does it have to be this way?

• The best and worst of hospital food around the world – in pictures

‘We tend to think of this as a nutritional holiday,” said the dietician, as we looked down at the blue plastic tray on my four-year-old daughter Vida’s overbed table. Vida was about to start a long-awaited bone marrow transplant at a major London hospital, a process requiring an intensive chemotherapy programme that would affect her appetite and ability to eat. We needed to prioritise her weight over healthy eating, said the dietitian. It was mission Calories Over Carrot Sticks. In normal times, this would worry me profoundly.

Looking at that tray, it struck me that the food here would probably force anyone to take a nutritional holiday, bone marrow transplant or not. There was a plate of soggy battered fish and some cardboard-looking chips, long‑life apple juice, a bag of Quavers, Ambrosia custard, a KitKat and a token easy peeler. Vida wasn’t due to start chemo until the following day, but the fish and chips went untouched. For her first few weeks as an inpatient, I would order her the most basic offerings available in the hospital – an anaemic-looking omelette, overcooked pasta that collapsed on your tongue, a chicken breast so tough that it could have taken down a man – but Vida never tried more than a mouthful before pushing the food away.

Jenny thinks Ed should say sorry for sweeping autumn leaves too close to their neighbour’s house. Ed thinks he’s done nothing wrong. You decide who should take the fall?

Find out how to get a disagreement settled or become a juror

Our neighbour thinks Ed was rude – the mature thing to do would be to say sorry to clear the air

I’m being punished for doing a good deed. Apologising would make me look like a pushover

Dads say rule change granting both parents equal time off has helped build bond between children and fathers

Paternity leaves in Finland have nearly doubled in length after a 2022 reform of the parental leave system, the social benefits agency has said.

The change granted both parents equal amounts of leave for the first time: 160 days each of paid leave, to be used before the child turns two. Sixty-three of the days can be transferred to the other parent, if desired.